aa

AA
 
I’ve been hitting meetings early, 8 a.m. I get out of the house (Dakoske) early, get excersize (bike), and get it out of the way, sometimes I go to one later but I don’t have too. The morning meeting is at the mental hospital, bldg. 50. If I arrive early I go into cuppa joes and have a latte. I like getting up early but I still need a nap later. I need twelve hours it seems, ten for minimum. I don’t say a lot, at all, anywhere. I have creeping negativism and don’t want it settling in my brain much less coming out of my mouth. I carry a comp book with me, and sometimes I jot down notes during meetings. This morning I was drowsily considering how low my pride in appearance had sunk. I didn’t want to talk about it so I jotted it down. I was failing the Gutter Test and hadn’t even been aware. If I saw myself laying in the gutter I woulda spit on me or at least said a mental UGH.

20 lbs

Twenty pounds of gut hang over the waist band of his rust stained gap cords. crusty enchilada sauce embellishes his soiled brown hoodie hidden under which is the gray stubble of his once shiny vibrant bleached blond hair. his once pride in appearence, philosophy even, has been sucked away by the rotted and filthy self propagating self sustaining Medusa head thing called treatment center. The fluorescent ceilings of AA meeting rooms spotlight his external disintegration unkindly...clean and vibrant and sharp once he will emerge a fecund and rolly polly hippy, a thing to hate. pray for him, pray for mike m for he, I, is an alcoholic!

dreamses

I was back at rehab trying to find my clothes and/or other stuff I'd left. I only found my gray shag jumper, thats all. back at home ,the house was vast and taken over by evil cultists posing as helpers, caretakers. they wanted full control and money. m was shoved off in a bed. no one would listen to me. i've had creepy dreams for quite awhile now.

V-day P-drop

My color and number were up for today so i held the pee all night. this gave me a fierce headache. while i peed i talked about skiing with the worker guy, the tester. we both had taught skiing at crystal mtn. Him well after me. the pee looked cloudy, polluted with cough medicine maybe. non-alcohol/opiate cough medicine.